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News & Views of Phillips Since 1976
Tuesday July 16th 2024

By the Way

By Peter Molenaar

Just recently, while traveling north on Cedar Avenue, this writer was forced to slam his brakes near the tangled intersection known for its Taco Bell. A long-haired youth had stepped abruptly in front from the parallel traffic which had stalled for his benefit. My horn refrained, yet the youth approached with a finger on display.

Note: Eventually, I did travel east on Riverside Avenue to pay a bill at an orthopedics clinic.

Then, en route home, a stop at the Community Peace Garden was in order. (This oasis appears just west of Cedar and adjacent to east-bound Highway 94.) While watering a plot, to my astonishment, “Long Haired Youth” again approached, this time clutching one stolen luscious red heirloom tomato!

Flight was not an option. Yet the hose kept running, flat upon the ground, as I presumed to block his path””at which point mutual recognition occurred. He kept coming.

“Thief,” I shouted, and then commenced to denounce his mother, and then, as he drew near I called him a blanking punk (if you will). There was a pause. He walked on by.

My tirade resumed, oh, oh, he did an about-face and proceeded to get up in mine. Gestures of gangsta sign language were deployed, and then ironically, he claimed he was into organics and was a member of the community!

I”'ve worked at Smith Foundry for 34 years. Hence, the art of cursing has been refined by countless humiliations rendered under conditions of mind numbing heat exhaustion. Did my opponent bow slightly when he handed me the tomato?

However, after exiting the gated garden, the long haired youth headed straight for my brand new truck”¦ with me in hot pursuit. But again he about-faced, approaching like the ancient T-Rex who, while attempting to suppress its grin held out its feathered arms to signal: Hey, if you”'re interested we could be lovers.

I quickly got religion and became a pacifist.

So, he parted his mass of hair and placed the halves forward across his shoulders. I said to him, “You look like Jesus Christ”. To which he replied, “Would you kindly have your country liquidate its supply of chemical weapons?

I bowed slightly and returned the tomato.

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